Jan 5, 2017 14:31:25 GMT -6
Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2017 14:31:25 GMT -6
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IRENE KIRA
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IRENE KIRA
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ALIAS Monster, Shadow
PRONOUNS It/They
AGE Sixteen
BIRTHDATE December 25th
HOMETOWN Irisia
GROUP PARALLAX
LOYALTY None
ORIENTATION ASEXUAL | Biromantic
OCCUPATION Trainer
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You are a liar. You cannot recall a day where you have been honest for the sake of being honest, being the cynical child you were. You are resilient, adaptable, cunning and manipulative, especially around those whom you see use in. You see no such problem using others to fulfill your own deeds and needs, working as your own high functioning sociopath. You are able to put up a petite and innocent front for the lot, and admittedly you can come off as childish, bratty or demanding due to a lack of your childhood. [break][break]
And yet you still retained some form of humour - no matter how dark it was. You had an affinity with children, although you were always annoyed by the little brats. You barely accept help and though you refuse to admit it, you are incredibly lonely. Nevertheless, you have your own morals, and you aren't utterly stupid. You have also grown to be a bit of a perfectionist as well, seeing that you are irked by the slightest mishap.
[break][break]
Many people considered you a child, however you were a very philosophical person. You always knew the right words to say, without very much attracting much negative attention to yourself. Hey, you didn't want to turn into a psychopath or a sociopath - and you don't know what caused it. It could have been your environment, the way you were born, your upbringing, or the damn chemicals doing too good a job. You lacked empathy, and you still do. You cannot comprehend the meaning of affection, lacking just so much of it throughout your childhood and so you have given up trying to understand.
[break][break][break]
postitive traits Dogmatic + Flexible + Charming + Charismatic + Rational
negative traits Manipulative + Childish + Violent + Sadistic + Delusional
You are a liar. You cannot recall a day where you have been honest for the sake of being honest, being the cynical child you were. You are resilient, adaptable, cunning and manipulative, especially around those whom you see use in. You see no such problem using others to fulfill your own deeds and needs, working as your own high functioning sociopath. You are able to put up a petite and innocent front for the lot, and admittedly you can come off as childish, bratty or demanding due to a lack of your childhood. [break][break]
And yet you still retained some form of humour - no matter how dark it was. You had an affinity with children, although you were always annoyed by the little brats. You barely accept help and though you refuse to admit it, you are incredibly lonely. Nevertheless, you have your own morals, and you aren't utterly stupid. You have also grown to be a bit of a perfectionist as well, seeing that you are irked by the slightest mishap.
[break][break]
Many people considered you a child, however you were a very philosophical person. You always knew the right words to say, without very much attracting much negative attention to yourself. Hey, you didn't want to turn into a psychopath or a sociopath - and you don't know what caused it. It could have been your environment, the way you were born, your upbringing, or the damn chemicals doing too good a job. You lacked empathy, and you still do. You cannot comprehend the meaning of affection, lacking just so much of it throughout your childhood and so you have given up trying to understand.
[break][break][break]
postitive traits Dogmatic + Flexible + Charming + Charismatic + Rational
negative traits Manipulative + Childish + Violent + Sadistic + Delusional
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And the kids cried out please stop you're scaring me[break]God damn right, you should be scared of me |
[attr="class","tbeapponebio"]
[attr="class","tbeapponebio2"]
Trigger Warnings: Trauma, Abuse, Attempted Suicide
[break]
What did you even do to be born like this?
[break][break]
You were only a few months old. Your parents had you, and they were both.. Insane. Well, not insane per say, but they just weren't nice people at all. For starters, your parents divorced when you were only a few months old. However, neither of them wanted to take care of you, nor did they want to be setting you up for adoption because they both looked to be competent. What would their friends think if they found out what they got rid of you? Others would certainly pity you, that's for sure. They argued, and sometimes even though you weren't aware, they would actually hold themselves back from killing a baby for they couldn't stand the idea of murdering a baby. They just didn't want anything to do with you; they didn't want you dead. Wait, no. Hah - kidding. They probably did want you dead, but the stupid cowards didn't want fingers pointed to them for a homicide.
[break][break]
Just because someone wasn't smart enough to use protection.
[break][break]
If you were smart enough, you would have probably been pretty ticked. In the end, your parents actually got into the shady part of town and dumped you onto some members from Team Imum. You were asleep at the time, so you didn't know anything. For the longest time, you cried. You cried, you screamed, you kicked. They say that when the baby knows that they've been abandoned, they'll resent; and resent you did. But you were only a baby, you were helpless. Everything you wanted to say, everything you wanted to let out was blocked by the language and intelligence barrier between yourself and those new people around you.
[break][break]
They gave you 'new' parents. People who posed as your parents. They warped your mind to be gullible, they raised you to fear the authority. They raised you specifically not to go running your mouth. But despite all this, what was the worst part? Oh, no. The worst had yet to come. Between having no personhood, being abandoned in the first place, and being dumped on an organization that has gone bad? Things got all so much worse. originally, they intended to raise you to act as a child soldier, brainwashed by their people to believe in their ideals, to be raised in that only environment. That's exactly what they did for the next few years. You were a gifted child, you were a smart kid. Even then, the couple who you considered to be parents wouldn't even glance at you.
[break][break]
Trust me when I say that you tried. You tried as hard as you could. For the past number of years, you've always thought that you were just messing up. Maybe you weren't doing something right, or maybe you were just being bad. You were a child - of course you wanted the approval and praise of your own parents of all people. And yet they gave you the cold shoulder no matter how much you tried. Every damn time, you thought that it was your own fault. It was your fault; it was always your fault.
[break][break]
You idolized your parents, not knowing that they were only working under the orders of Team Imum.
You tried. No matter how much you tried, you couldn't get their attention. You scored perfect, nothing. You performed in recitals and placed first, not a glance. You tried to get their attention, hell they actually slapped you away. But.. That was okay, because they were your parents right? Yeah, that was perfectly fine. You didn't care, and you couldn't care any less, because they were adults. Obviously, they would know what they were doing right? Of course they would! If they said that you were wrong, then you were wrong. If they didn't want you around, then you shouldn't be around. If you failed, then you failed. It was always your fault, and you never bothered to question it otherwise with being the naive child you were.
[break][break]
So you trained yourself. You trained yourself physically, academically, even strategically. All to get the attention of your parents. You clung to them, and you didn't know why. Perhaps part of your consciousness was trying it's hardest to give you what your birth parents failed to give you; any form of affection or attention. You thought that maybe these guys would love you, you just wanted to be loved. All the praise from the outside didn't matter, despite the fact that you did feel good now and then. Yet when you made a mistake, your parents would yell, they would hit you. How was that a way to treat a child?
[break][break]
"No, it's okay! Mommy and Daddy are right! I'm just doing something wrong right?"
[break][break]
Sometime after that, you started thinking. What was the point in this? No, it's fine. Just keep trying, you can do it. You can get their attention if you just tried a little harder. Maybe if you did so and so, or maybe if you tried this or that, they would most certainly praise you right? Something - anything - a sign that you were doing something right for once. Mommy and Daddy would certainly love you if you were perfect right? All you could do was keep on trying. Just keep on trying.
[break][break]
It's the only thing you could do.
TW: Heavy abuse[break]
You got desperate.
[break][break]
What were you doing wrong? All you wanted to do was to make your parents happy, you just wanted them to be proud. They slapped, they hit. Hell, they nearly slashed at you. Into the garage you went, or maybe down the stairs. Sometimes, you even got locked out as you clawed at the door in desperation in the dead of winter twilight. Bruised, cut, broken, everything. You can name it, perhaps it's already happened. Still, you weren't numbed. You couldn't hate your parents, even when they did all of this. if they did this, you were probably doing something wrong? Maybe it was because you didn't eat that one food, or maybe you just didn't like the colour of your mom's shirt. You could feign a smile, you could do it! After all, mom and dad just.. Wanted a nice child. They wanted to good girl, that's all they wanted out of you. That's all you wanted to be, and you intended to give it to them. No matter the cost.
[break][break]
Perhaps the only thing keeping you sane at that point was your willpower. Your child grip on your goal was far too strong. No matter how many times you were whipped, stung, kicked, beat; you didn't care. You couldn't cry, because then they wouldn't give you dinner. You couldn't yelp, you couldn't tell any of your teachers. You loved your parents too much. You loved them. Why did you love them though? They gave you food on your plate, a roof over your head? Hah.. No they didn't. You had to make your on food. If you burned yourself, suck it up. If you struggled, that's your own problem. If you cut yourself, get a bandage. But it was all fine.
[break][break]
You hated it.
[break][break]
You were called crazy by your parents. Why did they call you crazy? You couldn't understand. You were told that over, and over, and over and over and over. You were trash, an insult, an eyesore. That's what you were raised with, those were the words put in your head as a child, and the same words that haunt you to this day. Still, you loved them. When they left, you broke down. When they abandoned you, you fell into a state of shock. You've grown so little that you would be utterly useless lest you were in the presence of your parents. A pathetic being you have become. Pitiful, useless. And yet there goes on that smile on your face. What was egging you on?
[break][break]
"I'll be a good girl, so please, please come back home."
[break][break]
You would always cry.
You were finally needed.
[break][break]
Your parents called you over, for the first time in a while. They used you. They used your need for their affection, and used your broken innocence to their venomous advantage. There was an experiment - one of which to turn people into pokemon. They said that if you could withstand it, then they'll spend more time with you. For once, they called you a good girl. They pat the top of your head, and they hugged you. The warmth that they gave you brought you to tears and, having such an under-developed brain, you foolishly agreed to the temptation. You were brought to a lab, a testing lab. They said that they would give you a shot, and that they would be doing a number of things to your body. They said that it would sting, and that it would hurt. But you thought it was fine wasn't it? As long as mommy and daddy were happy. As long as they were smiling at you, then you'd be fine! You don't need to worry. You don't need to worry anymore.
[break][break]
They were going to love you.
[break][break]
But it hurt. It hurt. It hurt, hurt, and hurt. It felt like you were dying, but you hung onto the red thread so tightly. You escaped death countless times, only to open your eyes to see a wider smile on your parents' faces. It hurt like hell. It really, really did hurt. Your head, your eyes, your child body, your everything. The very culmination of your being was screaming to stop. But it was okay, because you were getting love. A twisted, suffocating love. Didn't it hurt your heart? Of course it did. But you were a child, you didn't know. You were told that this was normal, you were told that if you do this, then you'll always be happy. They tricked you, they made you play by their hand for years all for their greed. You played to their tune, no matter how much you've lost. You were one of the first children to be tested, you were one of the first children who had to suffer the hell of artificially engineered gijinka. You were part of a big picture, and you didn't even know it.
[break][break]
In your world, your parents were happy. They were praising you, and they were patting the top of your head.
[break][break]
Ah, probably shouldn't have said that they were digging into your very flesh..
[break][break]
You went delusional. Perhaps to save your mind - your body's way of saving your mind by showing you the happy thoughts to be rid of your worried, your stress. Your anxieties. These tests weren't so scary anymore, but ouch. Things worked out. It was painful. You wanted to stop, and yet you couldn't leave even after they turned you into a gijinka. They forcibly turned you to one of course, and then put you to the test of a Zorua. So many lives were lost, and of course you weren't the only child used in this sickening process. You just happened to be that one kid who happened to survive. You happened to survive, and you just happened to be there. So.. Science moving before philosophy and conscious, you were tested. Blood was taken, chemicals were injected. It rewired your brain, it broke you as a person. What were you? You were conscious, but you lived off the acceptance of the people around you.
[break][break]
Were you a shell, or were you a person?
[break][break]
Everything was getting fuzzy...
The depths of your head taught you something new.
[break][break]
You got lonely. You were going crazy. You didn't know, but your mind was slowly and, little by little, breaking itself. It couldn't hold it anymore. You could hear voices. Things that shouldn't speak, were speaking to you. You were always curled up in the corner, laughing to yourself as you had a conversation with the wall. It was unnerving, and many others called you a broken gijinka because of all this mental and physical abuse that was forced upon you. Even if you didn't want it, they were probably going to use your body anyways. But it was okay, wasn't it? Your parents said it was fine, they said that they loved you. They said that you were needed, and that's all you have ever wanted. Of course, at the cost of your very sanity.
[break][break]
And then you heard voices.
[break][break]
Voices that tempted you, voices that spoke to you. You don't know what has given you such an ability (if it were even an ability, and not just your delusional self at work), but you could hear the voices of ghosts. The chants of a Misdreavus, the cackling of a Shuppet, the smirks of Litwick and beckoning of Duskull. All of these ghost pokemon spent company with you, easily by phasing through walls. Were they your friends? Well.. Perhaps they were. It was truly a complicated relationship, seeing that they turned a blind eye to you when you begged them to help you get out. They simply phased through the walls with taunting grins on their faces, watching as you were dragged away.
[break][break]
And yet their voices haunted you.
[break][break]
At some point, you slowly started breaking even more. The humans weren't going to help, the pokemon weren't going to help. Nothing was going to help you. Humans were useless - they only wanted to pursue their own greed, didn't they? Why did her parents want her to do this anyways? You could feel your blood boiling, but at this point you could barely feel your own moving limbs. You were scared.
[break][break]
You were genuinely scared.
[break][break]
They kept using you as a base for their gijinka engineering. Eventually, they came up with a much less painful process and those they kidnapped didn't have to go through the pain you had to endure your entire life. Perhaps death was even more merciful, and your illusions were even unstable. You had trouble, but they would always [physical abuse] you until you were able to get it right. If you couldn't, they would starve you. If you could, they would probably only give you few meals. You were neglected. Neglected far more than what I child of your age should be able to endure.
[break][break]
But you couldn't die. They didn't let you die. You wanted to die.
[break][break]
So you begged. You begged the cackling whispers and laughter to kill you. Sadly, your pleas fell upon deaf ears.
So hah. Now what? You were trapped in a lab where you didn't have any chances at any freedom. The pokemon wouldn't help you, the people wouldn't help you. Instead, all you could see and hear were all of those creatures laughing at your own struggles. They were laughing at the expense of yourself, they cared not what happened to you in the end, did they? So.. If they weren't going to help you, why the hell should you care about them? You give up. You're done being obedient, and you're done trying not to hurt anyone.
[break][break]
You weren't nice to the other pokemon in the lab, that's for sure. You hurt them. Hell, you probably even killed a few. You were no different from a monster at this point, and you learned to enjoy the pain that you inflicted on others. Maybe it was to save your own sanity - it was something that you needed to stay sane. Ironic, ain't it? Resorting to insanity, just to feel a sense of self-consciousness and awareness. You were fragile, but who's fault was that in the first place? It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.
[break][break]
"It's not fair."
[break][break]
You were done. You were done. You were done. If they wouldn't give you happiness, if they were just going to dispose of you like this, and they were going to laugh at your misfortune, then why were they still willing to keep you alive? Clearly, philosophy and morality had fallen upon deaf ears in terms of this experiment. They could just die, you thought. They could all die. Humans, pokemon, they could all die. Even your parents. The scientists, the pokemon, and even yourself.
[break][break]
They could all just die.
[break][break]
You weren't proud of what you have become. You aren't proud of what you are resorting to, but did you have a choice? Countless times have you attempted death, and yet you were always too scared. You've wanted to end your suffering by your own hands, but you've always been terrified of what laid beyond due to all the sins you've committed. But.. It was fine, right? It was justified, wasn't it? Exactly. You were justified, because they deserved it.
[break][break]
So you killed a scientist.
"Screw them."
[break][break]
You told yourself. Even though you killed a man, you tortured pokemon, and you even brought harm upon yourself, you didn't feel even a sliver of remorse. Was it from upbringing? Was it those drugs finally getting to your head? Hah! Hell would you know, but this was fun. It was fun watching this man grovelling at your feet. Little by little, you killed, tortured, all within your own cell. You dragged them in, because they thought you just to be a mere, failed gijinka child. She wouldn't know how to control her illusions, they thought. She wouldn't know, because she's too young. You laughed at that logic, and you continued to kill without the slightest bit remorse. You couldn't stop.
[break][break]
It's too late to stop now.
[break][break]
You've fallen to the depths. No hope, you thought. There were some who begged you, saying that they had family to be attending to. After the war, you were left in the ruins of the lab hidden by Team Imum. When you were found however, they were certainly not expecting to find a young teen covered in the scarlet stains of her previous victims. You were brought into therapy, but that didn't help. You couldn't feel, you couldn't emphasize. It was weird. You didn't understand - you couldn't understand. You've noticed this.
[break][break]
How was everyone able to get on with their lives so casually? It felt like they mocked you who was trapped as a lab rat for the majority of her developing years. You gave up trying to understand people, and chose to imitate them instead.
Well, now what have you turned into?
[break][break]
You like hurting others, you only work for yourself. Despite aligning yourself with one of the most powerful groups of the three factions, you still found yourself failing to hold any compassion to those who you were originally part of. So.. What did you do? You turned some to insanity with illusions. Chants, illusions, images, everything. You couldn't care less, and you were called the devil child. Perhaps that was accurate. What better than to call a chid like you, than a monster?
[break][break]
You were, and still are considered a monster by those monsters whom created you in the first place, after all.
[break][break]
"Isn't that ironic?"
Trigger Warnings: Trauma, Abuse, Attempted Suicide
[break]
Fear - Helplessness
What did you even do to be born like this?
[break][break]
You were only a few months old. Your parents had you, and they were both.. Insane. Well, not insane per say, but they just weren't nice people at all. For starters, your parents divorced when you were only a few months old. However, neither of them wanted to take care of you, nor did they want to be setting you up for adoption because they both looked to be competent. What would their friends think if they found out what they got rid of you? Others would certainly pity you, that's for sure. They argued, and sometimes even though you weren't aware, they would actually hold themselves back from killing a baby for they couldn't stand the idea of murdering a baby. They just didn't want anything to do with you; they didn't want you dead. Wait, no. Hah - kidding. They probably did want you dead, but the stupid cowards didn't want fingers pointed to them for a homicide.
[break][break]
Just because someone wasn't smart enough to use protection.
[break][break]
If you were smart enough, you would have probably been pretty ticked. In the end, your parents actually got into the shady part of town and dumped you onto some members from Team Imum. You were asleep at the time, so you didn't know anything. For the longest time, you cried. You cried, you screamed, you kicked. They say that when the baby knows that they've been abandoned, they'll resent; and resent you did. But you were only a baby, you were helpless. Everything you wanted to say, everything you wanted to let out was blocked by the language and intelligence barrier between yourself and those new people around you.
[break][break]
They gave you 'new' parents. People who posed as your parents. They warped your mind to be gullible, they raised you to fear the authority. They raised you specifically not to go running your mouth. But despite all this, what was the worst part? Oh, no. The worst had yet to come. Between having no personhood, being abandoned in the first place, and being dumped on an organization that has gone bad? Things got all so much worse. originally, they intended to raise you to act as a child soldier, brainwashed by their people to believe in their ideals, to be raised in that only environment. That's exactly what they did for the next few years. You were a gifted child, you were a smart kid. Even then, the couple who you considered to be parents wouldn't even glance at you.
[break][break]
Trust me when I say that you tried. You tried as hard as you could. For the past number of years, you've always thought that you were just messing up. Maybe you weren't doing something right, or maybe you were just being bad. You were a child - of course you wanted the approval and praise of your own parents of all people. And yet they gave you the cold shoulder no matter how much you tried. Every damn time, you thought that it was your own fault. It was your fault; it was always your fault.
[break][break]
You idolized your parents, not knowing that they were only working under the orders of Team Imum.
Hopeless
You tried. No matter how much you tried, you couldn't get their attention. You scored perfect, nothing. You performed in recitals and placed first, not a glance. You tried to get their attention, hell they actually slapped you away. But.. That was okay, because they were your parents right? Yeah, that was perfectly fine. You didn't care, and you couldn't care any less, because they were adults. Obviously, they would know what they were doing right? Of course they would! If they said that you were wrong, then you were wrong. If they didn't want you around, then you shouldn't be around. If you failed, then you failed. It was always your fault, and you never bothered to question it otherwise with being the naive child you were.
[break][break]
So you trained yourself. You trained yourself physically, academically, even strategically. All to get the attention of your parents. You clung to them, and you didn't know why. Perhaps part of your consciousness was trying it's hardest to give you what your birth parents failed to give you; any form of affection or attention. You thought that maybe these guys would love you, you just wanted to be loved. All the praise from the outside didn't matter, despite the fact that you did feel good now and then. Yet when you made a mistake, your parents would yell, they would hit you. How was that a way to treat a child?
[break][break]
"No, it's okay! Mommy and Daddy are right! I'm just doing something wrong right?"
[break][break]
Sometime after that, you started thinking. What was the point in this? No, it's fine. Just keep trying, you can do it. You can get their attention if you just tried a little harder. Maybe if you did so and so, or maybe if you tried this or that, they would most certainly praise you right? Something - anything - a sign that you were doing something right for once. Mommy and Daddy would certainly love you if you were perfect right? All you could do was keep on trying. Just keep on trying.
[break][break]
It's the only thing you could do.
Borderline - Paranoia
TW: Heavy abuse[break]
You got desperate.
[break][break]
What were you doing wrong? All you wanted to do was to make your parents happy, you just wanted them to be proud. They slapped, they hit. Hell, they nearly slashed at you. Into the garage you went, or maybe down the stairs. Sometimes, you even got locked out as you clawed at the door in desperation in the dead of winter twilight. Bruised, cut, broken, everything. You can name it, perhaps it's already happened. Still, you weren't numbed. You couldn't hate your parents, even when they did all of this. if they did this, you were probably doing something wrong? Maybe it was because you didn't eat that one food, or maybe you just didn't like the colour of your mom's shirt. You could feign a smile, you could do it! After all, mom and dad just.. Wanted a nice child. They wanted to good girl, that's all they wanted out of you. That's all you wanted to be, and you intended to give it to them. No matter the cost.
[break][break]
Perhaps the only thing keeping you sane at that point was your willpower. Your child grip on your goal was far too strong. No matter how many times you were whipped, stung, kicked, beat; you didn't care. You couldn't cry, because then they wouldn't give you dinner. You couldn't yelp, you couldn't tell any of your teachers. You loved your parents too much. You loved them. Why did you love them though? They gave you food on your plate, a roof over your head? Hah.. No they didn't. You had to make your on food. If you burned yourself, suck it up. If you struggled, that's your own problem. If you cut yourself, get a bandage. But it was all fine.
[break][break]
You hated it.
[break][break]
You were called crazy by your parents. Why did they call you crazy? You couldn't understand. You were told that over, and over, and over and over and over. You were trash, an insult, an eyesore. That's what you were raised with, those were the words put in your head as a child, and the same words that haunt you to this day. Still, you loved them. When they left, you broke down. When they abandoned you, you fell into a state of shock. You've grown so little that you would be utterly useless lest you were in the presence of your parents. A pathetic being you have become. Pitiful, useless. And yet there goes on that smile on your face. What was egging you on?
[break][break]
"I'll be a good girl, so please, please come back home."
[break][break]
You would always cry.
Schizoid
You were finally needed.
[break][break]
Your parents called you over, for the first time in a while. They used you. They used your need for their affection, and used your broken innocence to their venomous advantage. There was an experiment - one of which to turn people into pokemon. They said that if you could withstand it, then they'll spend more time with you. For once, they called you a good girl. They pat the top of your head, and they hugged you. The warmth that they gave you brought you to tears and, having such an under-developed brain, you foolishly agreed to the temptation. You were brought to a lab, a testing lab. They said that they would give you a shot, and that they would be doing a number of things to your body. They said that it would sting, and that it would hurt. But you thought it was fine wasn't it? As long as mommy and daddy were happy. As long as they were smiling at you, then you'd be fine! You don't need to worry. You don't need to worry anymore.
[break][break]
They were going to love you.
[break][break]
But it hurt. It hurt. It hurt, hurt, and hurt. It felt like you were dying, but you hung onto the red thread so tightly. You escaped death countless times, only to open your eyes to see a wider smile on your parents' faces. It hurt like hell. It really, really did hurt. Your head, your eyes, your child body, your everything. The very culmination of your being was screaming to stop. But it was okay, because you were getting love. A twisted, suffocating love. Didn't it hurt your heart? Of course it did. But you were a child, you didn't know. You were told that this was normal, you were told that if you do this, then you'll always be happy. They tricked you, they made you play by their hand for years all for their greed. You played to their tune, no matter how much you've lost. You were one of the first children to be tested, you were one of the first children who had to suffer the hell of artificially engineered gijinka. You were part of a big picture, and you didn't even know it.
[break][break]
In your world, your parents were happy. They were praising you, and they were patting the top of your head.
[break][break]
Ah, probably shouldn't have said that they were digging into your very flesh..
[break][break]
You went delusional. Perhaps to save your mind - your body's way of saving your mind by showing you the happy thoughts to be rid of your worried, your stress. Your anxieties. These tests weren't so scary anymore, but ouch. Things worked out. It was painful. You wanted to stop, and yet you couldn't leave even after they turned you into a gijinka. They forcibly turned you to one of course, and then put you to the test of a Zorua. So many lives were lost, and of course you weren't the only child used in this sickening process. You just happened to be that one kid who happened to survive. You happened to survive, and you just happened to be there. So.. Science moving before philosophy and conscious, you were tested. Blood was taken, chemicals were injected. It rewired your brain, it broke you as a person. What were you? You were conscious, but you lived off the acceptance of the people around you.
[break][break]
Were you a shell, or were you a person?
[break][break]
Everything was getting fuzzy...
Voices - Schizophrenia
The depths of your head taught you something new.
[break][break]
You got lonely. You were going crazy. You didn't know, but your mind was slowly and, little by little, breaking itself. It couldn't hold it anymore. You could hear voices. Things that shouldn't speak, were speaking to you. You were always curled up in the corner, laughing to yourself as you had a conversation with the wall. It was unnerving, and many others called you a broken gijinka because of all this mental and physical abuse that was forced upon you. Even if you didn't want it, they were probably going to use your body anyways. But it was okay, wasn't it? Your parents said it was fine, they said that they loved you. They said that you were needed, and that's all you have ever wanted. Of course, at the cost of your very sanity.
[break][break]
And then you heard voices.
[break][break]
Voices that tempted you, voices that spoke to you. You don't know what has given you such an ability (if it were even an ability, and not just your delusional self at work), but you could hear the voices of ghosts. The chants of a Misdreavus, the cackling of a Shuppet, the smirks of Litwick and beckoning of Duskull. All of these ghost pokemon spent company with you, easily by phasing through walls. Were they your friends? Well.. Perhaps they were. It was truly a complicated relationship, seeing that they turned a blind eye to you when you begged them to help you get out. They simply phased through the walls with taunting grins on their faces, watching as you were dragged away.
[break][break]
And yet their voices haunted you.
[break][break]
At some point, you slowly started breaking even more. The humans weren't going to help, the pokemon weren't going to help. Nothing was going to help you. Humans were useless - they only wanted to pursue their own greed, didn't they? Why did her parents want her to do this anyways? You could feel your blood boiling, but at this point you could barely feel your own moving limbs. You were scared.
[break][break]
You were genuinely scared.
[break][break]
They kept using you as a base for their gijinka engineering. Eventually, they came up with a much less painful process and those they kidnapped didn't have to go through the pain you had to endure your entire life. Perhaps death was even more merciful, and your illusions were even unstable. You had trouble, but they would always [physical abuse] you until you were able to get it right. If you couldn't, they would starve you. If you could, they would probably only give you few meals. You were neglected. Neglected far more than what I child of your age should be able to endure.
[break][break]
But you couldn't die. They didn't let you die. You wanted to die.
[break][break]
So you begged. You begged the cackling whispers and laughter to kill you. Sadly, your pleas fell upon deaf ears.
Sadistic
So hah. Now what? You were trapped in a lab where you didn't have any chances at any freedom. The pokemon wouldn't help you, the people wouldn't help you. Instead, all you could see and hear were all of those creatures laughing at your own struggles. They were laughing at the expense of yourself, they cared not what happened to you in the end, did they? So.. If they weren't going to help you, why the hell should you care about them? You give up. You're done being obedient, and you're done trying not to hurt anyone.
[break][break]
You weren't nice to the other pokemon in the lab, that's for sure. You hurt them. Hell, you probably even killed a few. You were no different from a monster at this point, and you learned to enjoy the pain that you inflicted on others. Maybe it was to save your own sanity - it was something that you needed to stay sane. Ironic, ain't it? Resorting to insanity, just to feel a sense of self-consciousness and awareness. You were fragile, but who's fault was that in the first place? It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair.
[break][break]
"It's not fair."
[break][break]
You were done. You were done. You were done. If they wouldn't give you happiness, if they were just going to dispose of you like this, and they were going to laugh at your misfortune, then why were they still willing to keep you alive? Clearly, philosophy and morality had fallen upon deaf ears in terms of this experiment. They could just die, you thought. They could all die. Humans, pokemon, they could all die. Even your parents. The scientists, the pokemon, and even yourself.
[break][break]
They could all just die.
[break][break]
You weren't proud of what you have become. You aren't proud of what you are resorting to, but did you have a choice? Countless times have you attempted death, and yet you were always too scared. You've wanted to end your suffering by your own hands, but you've always been terrified of what laid beyond due to all the sins you've committed. But.. It was fine, right? It was justified, wasn't it? Exactly. You were justified, because they deserved it.
[break][break]
So you killed a scientist.
Sociopathic - Psychopathic
"Screw them."
[break][break]
You told yourself. Even though you killed a man, you tortured pokemon, and you even brought harm upon yourself, you didn't feel even a sliver of remorse. Was it from upbringing? Was it those drugs finally getting to your head? Hah! Hell would you know, but this was fun. It was fun watching this man grovelling at your feet. Little by little, you killed, tortured, all within your own cell. You dragged them in, because they thought you just to be a mere, failed gijinka child. She wouldn't know how to control her illusions, they thought. She wouldn't know, because she's too young. You laughed at that logic, and you continued to kill without the slightest bit remorse. You couldn't stop.
[break][break]
It's too late to stop now.
[break][break]
You've fallen to the depths. No hope, you thought. There were some who begged you, saying that they had family to be attending to. After the war, you were left in the ruins of the lab hidden by Team Imum. When you were found however, they were certainly not expecting to find a young teen covered in the scarlet stains of her previous victims. You were brought into therapy, but that didn't help. You couldn't feel, you couldn't emphasize. It was weird. You didn't understand - you couldn't understand. You've noticed this.
[break][break]
How was everyone able to get on with their lives so casually? It felt like they mocked you who was trapped as a lab rat for the majority of her developing years. You gave up trying to understand people, and chose to imitate them instead.
Monster
Well, now what have you turned into?
[break][break]
You like hurting others, you only work for yourself. Despite aligning yourself with one of the most powerful groups of the three factions, you still found yourself failing to hold any compassion to those who you were originally part of. So.. What did you do? You turned some to insanity with illusions. Chants, illusions, images, everything. You couldn't care less, and you were called the devil child. Perhaps that was accurate. What better than to call a chid like you, than a monster?
[break][break]
You were, and still are considered a monster by those monsters whom created you in the first place, after all.
[break][break]
"Isn't that ironic?"
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YUME NIKKI, madotsuki as IRENE KIRA
[attr="class","tbeapponebot2"]PLAYED BY NANO
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YUME NIKKI, madotsuki as IRENE KIRA