TO OLDER ME,

00.00

Uhm.. I don't exactly know how to write something like this. Admittedly, I'm not even sure if I'm doing this right. I.. I just don't know. I'm.. Hoping that I'm doing this right, though. Okay.. Urk.. My teacher asked me to write something to my older self, and that she would be reading them to mark for English. Although, I don't really.. Want her to read mine. It's probably because there are a lot of things I want to say to my older self, something that the teacher shouldn't know. Or.. Even if she did know, she'd probably give me that look before turning the other way. So.. I thought that maybe it would be best if I wrote this for myself. I'll write something else for class later, but for now, I just need something to confide to. Now.. With that being said, I guess I should start with this letter, right? Ahem.. [break][break]

Dear Older Me, [break][break]

You might not remember this bit, but I'm currently hiding out under the school's playground structure. School's over and I thankfully have this notebook.. Even if the papers are a little wrinkly because some of the other kids threw it into the fountain the other day.. But that's.. Alright, I guess. I can still write on it, I just had to leave it in the sun for a bit. Although my teachers get a little mad at me for handing in really crumpled and weird paper. Mmn.. I can't really do much about those.. Uhm.. But that's alright. I can still write. So.. I'm sorry, future me. You have to read my letter on such weird and old paper. I actually don't know if you'll keep and read this to begin with but.. I'll do my best. Yeah.. I'll do my best. [break][break]

I've already finished my homework.. Somehow. And some other kids' homework, too. Uhm.. I finished all that stuff, and then I.. Also finished up the chores my mom wanted me to do. I finished them this morning, so I luckily have a little bit of time before my mom gets mad about not being home on time. They're always telling me to to try running to the police, otherwise I'll be taken away to another family. I.. Wouldn't mind that, but they keep telling me that I'll be taken to another family in jail, and the people there would hurt me even more. It was a mercy that they're taking care of me and.. Everything. I don't.. Really understand. That's probably because I'm too young to understand right now, so I'm hoping that someday, when I'm older, I'll understand what I was talking about. Hah.. It's.. Too bad that I can't get letters from the future, right? Because.. That'd really, really help me. [break][break]

... I'm.. Not really okay. None of the teachers believe me when I say that I'm being bullied, and my family keeps telling me to suck it up. One time, my mom found some other kids picking on me and she got mad at me for getting in their way. One kid actually pushed me over and scolded me for hurting them, then my mom told me to apologize. I.. Didn't really know what to say or do, and I just.. Didn't want mom to get mad, so I apologized. My family looks back at me and.. I think--... No, I know they hate me. I know they hate me with a passion, but I just don't know why they do. They're always yelling at me for not doing something, or sometimes they're yelling at me for doing the thing they told me to do. It really, really confuses me. They.. Treat me really, really badly. Then when it comes to my cousins, they're always telling me that other gijinka kids are treated this way. Is that true? Should I trust their words? I'm.. assuming I should, because they're a bit older than I am.. The only one that doesn't say those things or anything is Claire, who tries to be nice to me. But I know auntie and uncle yell at her for doing that. [break][break]

... When Claire was becoming blind, the family started blaming it on me and the treatment got worse. They said I was cursed.. And that stuff. [break][break]

As if that wasn't enough, there have been people looking at me on the bus. Like.. Older guys looking at me on the bus. It.. Kind of scares me, so I usually stay by the front of the bus in case I wanted to leave really quickly. That or I usually stayed seated in on the bus and.. When there were a lot of people leaving at once, I'd usually leave with them ad walk the rest of the way. Either that or.. I would stay there until the final stop and walk all the way back. It's been.. Really scary. Erm.. I hope things will be okay. Lets see.. What else is there..? Erk.. Well.. I haven't exactly been feeling well right now. [break][break]

I know my family hates me and all but.. I'm starting to think that I maybe deserve it. After all, I soiled their bloodline, right..? So I.. Probably do deserve it. It's because I'm a gijinka that they hate me, right? I've been used by guys, I've been hurt by girls. I've been hit by my mom and.. I've been cursed by the world. I don't know what I'm doing wrong-- Do you happen to know? The guys around me tug at my ears, laugh and prick my tail. There have been times they've dangled toys before my face, and before I know it I've.. Pounced into a ditch. There was this one time girls shoved bugs into my locker, and then there was this other time the boys grabbed a hose and sprayed me with it, saying that the kitty needed a bath. You.. Remember that, right, Future Me? Of course you do.. Because you probably do remember, and that means you're the only person who believes me. You're the only person who would know that it actually happened so.. This should be okay. After all, I.. Probably do deserve it. [break][break]

...[break][break]

I'm scared. [break][break]

Please.. Anyone.. Please help me. I'm--.. I'm scared.. I don't want to go to school anymore..! I don't want to go home, I don't want to go to school but I don't want to live on the streets either..! But.. Anywhere would be better than here. Anywhere would be better.. I want to leave. I don't care where else I go, I don't care what I have to do to get there. I just want to be anywhere.. Anywhere but here. It hurts. It.. It hurts so much! My arms and my legs keep throbbing.. They keep hurting.. And then they hurt more. When I go to school, the boys laugh at me, looking at the pictures they took and take each and every time! Then the girls.. The girls are always throwing things at me, snickering and laughing at me..! Then when someone actually.. Tries to become my friend.. They start bullying them and.. And I.. I-I lose the friend and.. Th-They hate me.. And.. I-I don't want them to hate me.. I don't want anyone to hate me.. I don't know what I did..! [break][break]

Please help me.