TWO YEARS AGO, A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION GOING BY THE NAME TEAM IMUM WRECKED CHAOS ACROSS THE LAND, DAMAGING CITIES AND KILLING THOUSANDS OF CITIZENS. While Imum itself has long since been disbanded, however, the region remains broken: entire towns have been laid to waste and the Association struggles to find homes for those who were lucky enough to survive the attempted genocide. Reconstruction trudges on as usual... but with three factions - the Association, the corporations, and the people - each wishing to take the rebuilding of an entire region down opposite paths, how long will it be before Lyeant's last leg gives out permanently?
03.01
first activity check is currently underway. regardless of your green status, please be sure to check it out and make extra sure your characters make it safe and sound after the eighth of march.
01.28
we're officially re-opened! come check out our event, the pokeathlon forever to enjoy some fresh restart activities. let leap know if there are any skin bugs, and they'll be sorted out accordingly!
Care to hear about our lord and savior Operation: Mindcrime? In all seriousness: Hello, hello! I'm Pharaoh Leap – or just Leap – local head admin and rock opera enthusiast. On the rare chance you catch me in a time when I'm not bawling about characters entirely written into song, you may see me actually doing work around the site, like skinning, making too many characters, and encouraging others to also make too many characters. I only know how to write angst, and in no fewer than six trillion words an app or post, so if you like dying while reading like I like dying while writing, I'm the girl for you. ;o
Howdy guys! The names Astro and I am your resident Brit & Red muse (you'll honestly see me more on him than any of my other characters). I'm a moderator and my main job is to make sure everything is running smoothly so the Admins can focus on other things, you'll often see me within the apps and shops, etc when I'm not on Red. What can I say about myself? Apart from being a Red fanboy I like music and games and yaoi huehue, I honestly never now what to put into these sort of things but ohwell, I'm more of a "ask me and I'll tell" sorta guy. Anyway, from my personally I hope that you enjoy the site and what we produce here but also if you're new, please look around and if you like what you see please consider joining for rad plots that everyone gives! :D
Hey there~ Nano over here! I uh.. Wait, I'm doing this right, right? Bleh. So I'm a moderator over here - fun, fun - who kind of just.. Keeps an eye on everyone. You know, the whole app thing and what not. Uh.. Lets see.. When I'm not doing school work (because I may or may not be trying to be a good student) I'm probably storming up new ideas like events and etc. Or plots. Plots are always good, too. As you can see, I uh.. Have the horrible habit of making way too many characters. I swear, I was tempted with plots, ships and angst. It's like, the holy trinity. Uh.. What else is there about me? Oh, right! Please excuse my obnoxiousness. I'm just really loud in general so don't be surprised if I start screaming as loudly as I can caps. So yeah. Nice meeting you!
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She nodded, wincing as the previously covered wound was frozen. It was better than cauterizing, she supposed. Slightly less painful. "I ran into Bai a few weeks ago," she admitted. Her encounter with the other male was still fresh in her mind. After all, that's when she'd decided she was going to start taking things easier. Stop getting into as many fights. She'd decided she didn't want to die before having the chance to see Corvou again, but now that she was in front of him she was almost second-guessing that choice. Part of her was happy she hadn't been killed, another part of her hated it.
The part that hated it was, of course, currently spewing its bout of paranoia in the back of her mind. She ignored it for the most part. No sense in being worried about something she couldn't control any longer. She figured he'd been here for one reason or another, though business hadn't exactly been high on her list. She herself had ended up in Lyeant by way of wandering, trying to find some land dangerous enough that she'd probably end up dead sooner rather than later. Turns out she was rather good at surviving.
"Business, though, huh?" she trailed off, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh. "I'm probably wrong in assuming that's the reason you were out walking." It was strange, how she was now compared to back then. She was almost more fragile now, less sure of herself. Wings torn, tattered and no longer possessing the will to try to fly again. Her defiant spirit remained, but it was almost... muted, to an extent. As though it had settled further inside her, weighed down by the pressure of all that had happened over the last few years. It showed in her eyes, in her tone when she was spoke. Calmer, less of the fire she'd been so well known for, with melancholy undertones. She found her mind conjuring up all of those old memories, of when the two of them had been whole. She hated them, but loved them all the same. The best years of her life, ones she'd thrown away needlessly and stupidly.
What had she been doing? She thought that much would've been obvious: the same thing she was doing right now. Bleeding out on the ground in some alleyway. She winced as her wounds were frozen over, giving the Pokemon a thankful smile as it went about tending to her wounds. She was silent for a moment longer before she spoke to answer his question. "Getting into fights, licking my wounds... repeating the process," she started, "This... is the worst it's been, but there are plenty of other scars." Her eyes were still dull as she stared off into the distance, and indeed there were other scars. Hundreds of them, decorating her arms and majority of her upper body. There was even one running from the corner of her right eye down across the side of her face. It hadn't disfigured anything, thankfully, but it could still be seen if one looked.
There had been something else in her voice when she'd mentioned scars, as though there were a couple that ran far deeper than the rest. Thankfully she still had a free hand, which went up to subconsciously rub at the collar she wore around her throat. There was a scar there that nobody knew the true story of. She didn't like to relive the memory. She always saw it in too much detail, too much like it was happening all over again. She closed her eyes, blocking out the memory before it had a chance to resurface. She could feel her own Pokeballs shifting on her hip, the twin orbs moving in tandem as the creatures within registered the presence of the man in front of her.
"Moving on from me, though... what's been going on with you?" she asked. There was a pause, a hesitation in her voice as she framed the question. Almost as though she felt it was an intrusive one to ask and that she had no place in asking it. Gods, she really was a complete mess now, wasn't she?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Why was she in Lyeant? Ishi almost laughed. That was a question with an answer far too dark for her to be truthful about.
She'd come here to die.
She did take a moment, however, wiping her eyes dry before setting her hands down in front of her. She stared down at them, finding the words to say before speaking after a few moments. "I just sort of ended up here," she admitted. It wasn't wrong. She'd spent some time in Sinnoh before winding up in Lyeant. Not even she fully knew how or why she'd decided to come to this ravaged region, but she had. To an extent, it had become something of a home for her now. She looked over at him, inspecting him for a moment before letting out a sigh and shaking her head. "Gods you've grown," she said, just a hint of sorrow in her voice. "How's school been?" Change of topic, something a little more normal. Something to make it seem that there was at least some way to potentially fix all that she'd ruined, even if her mind scoffed at her for trying.
It was an honest question, however. She did wish to know how her son was faring. She'd never been the greatest student, in fact she'd almost gotten kicked out of her high school three times on account of constantly beating the crap out of anyone who looked at her funny. Ah, those were the days. She'd known the principal on a first-name basis, and despite all of her violent mishaps the two of them had ended up becoming quite the unlikely pair of friends. She had spent way too many lunch periods in his office with him and something bought from the fast food joint a couple blocks down.
Strange, how things worked out. Here she was, former gang member, hot-headed she-demon with a mean streak a mile wide, talking to the son she hadn't seen in years. All of her constantly getting into fights had instilled a feeling of youth in her, but the sight of the kid across the table from her was making her feel old. Guess she knew what her own mother had gone through.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
She closed her eyes as his words registered, not out of exhaustion, but to stop the onslaught of tears from making themselves known. She took a sharp inhale, one that could've just as easily been from pain as it had been for the real reason she'd taken. Her eyes opened as she breathed out, the light within in them dimmed a fair bit before she spoke. Her voice was quiet, and the tone suggested that she was just surrendering herself to the fate she'd been dealt now. Death she would fight, but this? There was no winning this fight. She'd lost before it had even started, and she knew it full well. You really can't be forgiven, can you Ishi? she mocked herself silently, her gaze turned up to the patch of sky poking out from between the buildings around them.
She was just... done. Done fighting, done hoping. What was the point now, when she knew full well what the result would be? Of all the words that fought for dominance at the front of her mind, the one that climbed to the top of the hill hurt the most. 'Irredeemable'. It hurt because she knew it was oh-so-true. He'd said it himself. She'd had her chance. She'd had her chance, and she'd blown it like the reckless idiot she'd always been. The pain in her chest was almost too much to bear, more so than the constant throbbing of her wounds. She found herself cursing him for caring so much, when the only words he had for her hurt far worse than any weapon of war. At least death promised peace. She'd fulfilled her reason for living. She'd just wanted to see him again. It didn't matter to her whether she lived or died now.
After all, it wasn't as though there was anyone who would be particularly keen to tell her story. She took in another breath, shaking as a chill went through her body, causing her to shudder in response. It was like a mist, slowly surrounding her. What was that line doctors always used when someone was in the ICU, recovering from a near-death encounter? 'It's up to them now'? She almost laughed. She knew what would happen if she was given that choice. She was a failure, through and through. She'd failed as a lover, fighter, trainer and even as a mother.
And there wasn't a soul who would probably try to convince her otherwise.
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]To say she froze was an understatement. If words were weapons, that single one would've been the equivalent of dropping a nuclear warhead into her lap. Ishi's gaze widened as the voice registered, the word crossing the distance in the same moment her own amber gaze snapped to met his. There was a swirl of emotions in her eyes. Fear, regret... hope, and the unconditional love that came with being a mother. She managed something of a weak smile as the pieces clicked into place. They really do grow up quickly, she thought, turning her gaze up to meet his fully. She was silent for a moment before speaking, just the faintest waver in her voice.
"Hey, Tatsu." She said softly. The pain in her chest was almost dagger-like, as though someone was literally pulling at her heartstrings. She'd missed so much, hadn't she? She cursed herself for her past foolishness, for being weak enough to let her emotions control her as they had. Then again, a part of her also supposed it was inevitable. Corvou had always been the strong one between them, and she could see a deal of that in the younger male standing a short distance away from her.
She couldn't keep the tears from showing, not from him. She'd hated herself for leaving Corvou as she had, yes, but what had always torn her up the most was what such an act might have done to her kids. She couldn't bring herself to stand, to move. She kept her distance, at least physically. She didn't have much place anymore to simply embrace him now did she? Her mind was already conjuring up so many ways this could end, none of them particularly pleasant.
Much like her life, to be honest.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
She would've laughed had it not been for the simple fact that doing so was liable to end with her coughing up a bit more blood than was probably healthy. Granted, it wasn't healthy in general, but considering her current situation there were only a few ways that it could get worse. "No promises, Goliath," Ishi took an audible breath, a faint smirk coming to her expression as she let the old nickname loose. She had no room to be joking, to be using names from so far in the past, but in her current state that was all she could do. Even with the improvised bandaging she was still in incredible amounts of pain, and add that to the exhaustion coming over her and she was definitely having a hard time staying awake.
Part of her just wanted to give up. Die there, happy knowing that Corvou had made a life for himself without her. But Ishini Mazuka had never been the type to listen when someone told her to give up, and that had always gone double when that someone was herself. She grit her teeth in pain as she shifted slightly, forcing herself into a slightly more comfortable position against the wall. Her breathing was, as one could've expected, rather labored due to the injuries she'd sustained in the... scuffle, let's say. It had turned out as more of a massacre but at the very least she'd gotten one good lick after being stabbed and just before she was shot. Oh how shittily her luck had turned out to be this day. Here she was, laying in an alleyway only a few pints away from Death's front-fucking-door, with her former fiance of all people standing in front of her with the sleeves of his shirt torn off and his phone out in his hand.
He had no reason to help her, not after what she'd done to him. She supposed the shock of seeing her again after so long had messed with his judgement a bit. That or her pain was causing her depression to flare up again. Either which way it went she couldn't help but be just a little bit annoyed at the fact he was going to such lengths to keep her alive.
"I'm not worth it, you know. Not after all that's happened," she said dryly, her voice quiet but still carrying the defiance and strength that it always had. It seemed not even being this close to hell was going to take that from her. She regarded him with those amber eyes of hers, searching for some reason as to why he was wasting so much effort on her. She may as well have been dead for a while, it had just taken up until now for someone to finally throw her physical form into about the same state as her mental.
Yup. Probably her depression.
Not that she could bring herself to care at this point.
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Just when she thought that had moved her mind from the topic of her lost family, she caught sight of the laptop background at the table in front of her. She choked back a sob, her left hand firing up to cover her mouth so that the sound didn't reach the kid's ears. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and she closed them tightly. This, of course, only squeezed them out. She bit her bottom lip, already keenly aware of how badly she was trembling. Maybe, just maybe, if she didn't make anymore sounds he wouldn't notice her? Wouldn't notice the ghost from his past sitting right behind him, in the same outfit she had worn the day that photo had been taken.
She looked down at her drink, at the liquid still within before lifting it up and downing the rest of it at once. She wanted to go, to leave, but at the same time she couldn't get herself to move. Not when this connection to her past was sitting so close to her. So she just sort of watched him for a bit, not too closely, but just enough that it wouldn't take her too long to remember who he was.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
To say that the gunman crumpled like a house of cards would be accurate. More accurate would be to say he folded like a taco at a primetime Mexican restaurant during the dinner rush. Just completely in half, crumpled and unresponsive. Ishi opened her eyes weakly at the sound, her right hand still resting just over the bullet wound in her side as she blinked, turning her gaze up to the man so far above her. She couldn't help but give a small laugh, one of her two lupine ears twitching as her tail thumped once in a weak greeting against the floor of the alley. She looked like hell, felt like worse. There were scars all over her body, each one having occurred after the last time the two had seen each other. Some were faded, some looked recent, and a few more looked as though they had just recently begun to heal. Her clothes too, were a frayed and tattered, torn mess to the extent that it looked like she'd been wearing this one pair for every fight she'd gotten herself thrown into.
What wasn't scarred or torn up was currently bleeding, and already one could see the blood from her two more severe and central wounds beginning to seep through her clothing. Even if the gunman hadn't been able to finish her off himself, it seemed as though the injuries she'd sustained this time were just bad enough that there was chance they could do it for him. Ishini allowed herself a weak smile as her eyelids fluttered with the effort of keeping them open. Everything felt heavy.
"There you go again, Tatsuhiko-san... saving me... just like always..." she managed, gritting her teeth as her left hand shot up to cover her mouth as she coughed. It wasn't the greatest of sounds, and neither was the sight of the blood on the hand when she pulled it away. You really did a number on yourself this time, she remarked silently. Her breaths were still deep, not quite shallow enough to cause too much alarm. She looked at Corvou, surveyed him as well as she could before closing her eyes.
"Sorry that you... had to see me again..." Much less like this. There was so much she wanted to apologize for, but as her form shifted with the weight of her movements a glimmer of cobalt and amber caught the light near her neck to illuminate not only the necklace she wore, but the ring that rested against it still, as it had for quite some time now.
She would've worn it, but anyone who knew her knew that the Howling Storm was always far more harsh on herself than anyone else could ever be, and so she'd stopped believing that she was worthy of wearing that ring. No more worthy of wearing it as she was of being saved by him just this one last time.
There was bit of irony in this, she thought. Perhaps it was the blade that had just gotten shoved into her side, or the metallic taste of iron that dominated what she could currently taste, but even after telling herself that she wasn't going to go around picking needless fights anymore, it was someone else who decided to start the fight. Of course, that meant that the girl was instantly at a disadvantage. She yelped in pain as she was thrown against the alley wall, the sound of her body impacting the brick radiating through the alley and out into the street beyond. She could occasionally see passerby glance in, only to hasten their pace as they realized what was happening and decided they'd rather not have any part in it.
Which meant, as usual, she was on her own. She growled as one of the two thugs swung his blade at her again, raising a bare arm to catch the blade in her flesh as she lunged forward. Her hand wrapped around the man's neck, nails digging into his skin as sparks danced along her teeth. She opened her mouth, biting down just as a muffled crack blew her off onto the ground. She gasped for air as she hit the ground, hands clutching at the new hole in her body as she backed up away from the pair of them. Even now her gaze was defiant.
"Shoulda run while you had the chance, mutt." It was the one who'd shot at her. The one she'd bitten was currently convulsing on the ground, electricity dancing through his body. Ishi took a breath, her will all that kept her from wincing at the pain that lanced through her at the action. She managed something of a confident smirk, though she felt anything but. She couldn't even feel a few of her extremities anymore, be that from blood loss or the adrenaline that was currently keeping her conscious.
"Where's the fun... in that?" She asked weakly. She was positioned with her back against the alley wall behind her, with the open street across from her and this dipshit in between. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of a familiar form walking along, and she managed something of a weak smile. It was him... after all this time.
He's doing okay, it seems... far better than I deserved to ever hope. She let out a small laugh, relaxing as the spike-haired blonde drew closer. The silencer on the pistol looked aged, but it worked nonetheless. A shame... I'll never get to properly apologize. But at the very least she'd seen him again.
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Ishini sighed, leaning back in her seat as she turned her gaze out the window beside her, hands wrapped around the warm cup that rested on the table in front of her as her amber eyes surveyed the scenery on the other side of the glass. Her meeting with Bai still bounced around in her head, throwing thoughts across her skull whether she wanted it to or not. She just couldn't figure out what to do now. It wasn't as though she didn't want to see them- she wanted it more than anything...
She just didn't think she was worth their time anymore. After all, what sort of person would just readily accept her presence after all she'd done? She knew Corvou wouldn't, and if Tatsu had grown up to be anything like his father then she doubted the younger male would've been anywhere close to pleased to see her. The fresh scars on her arms burned with the pain of healing, and Ishi sighed once more. Her gaze turned to the bandages wrapped around each arm, covering up the various slash marks that she'd suffered as wounds during the last scuffle she'd managed to get herself into. She hadn't the foggiest idea what she was even doing in Lyeant anymore. What was it she wanted from this place? What was it she hoped to gain from being here?
A swift death? Ha. Fat chance of that. Even if she did manage to convince her body to just give up, there was no guarantee that whoever decided to end her would do so quickly. She shook her head. No. Thinking like that was what had got her into the situation she was currently in... even still, a part of her believed even now that death was a preferable alternative to whatever hell awaited her with her former family.
And she used former because she didn't think they thought of her as such anymore.
After all she'd done, why would they?
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]She looked over at Bai, a glimmer of light sparking in her eyes at his words. It was something she hadn't had in quite some time, and she herself didn't even recognize the emotion for what it was anymore:
Hope.
She didn't expect forgiveness, didn't want it. Hell it wasn't even a second chance that she wanted. All she honestly needed was to see him one more time, to hear his voice telling her how damn badly she'd messed up, how badly she'd hurt him. She'd already nearly died so many times now, had almost let herself fade away so often. The only thing that kept her alive at this point was knowing that she'd never be able to forgive herself in the slightest if she were to just die without admitting how much of an idiot she was straight to his face. To tear herself down and make clear that she was held together with far too many bandages, stitches, scars and medical tape to ever forget what had happened... and then hope that he could find it within him to keep her pushed away. She had no reason to truly hope that he would ever forgive her, no reason to truly hope that she'd ever have the chance to fulfill the promises she'd made so long ago.
A part of her wanted to, but in the end she knew that it would probably be a hopeless endeavor to even contemplate the idea that she could. She took a slow breath, resisting the urge to draw her knees up to her chest. She was almost devoid of armor in a way, intentionally defenseless so that each blow was felt to the maximum degree to cause her as much pain as possible. Meeting him again wouldn't fix that, she knew, but yet she also knew that meeting him could be the potential key to salvaging what remained of her. Perhaps reignite the fire that had long since left her. She spoke quietly, her voice carrying a false sharpness that blunted the moment it made impact.
"Where do I find him?"
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Ishi didn't quite know how to react in this situation. She'd had people offer to help her, of course, but never so calmly. Never in such a welcoming manner. It was always vast concern outweighing everything else, and at this point pity was the one thing the wolf wasn't willing to accept in the slightest. Granted she didn't have the strength to bite back at this point.
In fact, once the scent hit her she found herself without the strength to stand at all. Moving to take a step only to find her legs buckling beneath her as she suddenly fell with a grunt, pain lancing through her body and all her broken bones. She still couldn't remember the last time she'd been hurt this badly. There'd been times where it had been similar... or even worse, though that memory in particular wasn't one she wished to allow to surface right now. She stared up at the strange woman, her decidedly neutral expression passively seeming to display something of a glare despite whatever intentions the wolf may have actually had. Were it any other situation she'd have probably acted a bit more violently, seeing as how she'd fallen into the woman's arms without in any way meaning to.
Why.
Why was this stranger deciding to help her in such a way? There was nothing that the wolf had done to deserve any sort of kindness anymore, in fact all she'd done would've more than not invoked yet more pain down upon her. She'd left all that she'd loved because of a moment of weakness, irrevocably damaged one of the most meaningful relationships she'd ever had the chance to be a part of, and had taken the grief and pain from that only to seek out more pain. Mostly to herself, to feed whatever sick demon lay within her that kept telling her she was deserving of all of the hell she had to deal with.
Lan, however much she may have been desiring to give aid to the wolf, would probably not be able to heal much more than the physical wounds. Help a few of the various cuts on the Mightyena's body join in the scores of scars that already decorated majority of her body.
Beyond that, it would be a matter of convincing the girl that life would be better than simply dying at this stage in her life- which would quickly prove to be a painful process in and of itself with the current state the girl was in.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Something seemed to break in her at the words... not snap, not fracture...
Break.
She made a sound that sounded halfway between a sob and a muffled scream, letting her head drop back onto the counter as she fought back against the sudden onset of emotion that had surged at the response. He was here. In Lyeant, if not Irisia itself. The full weight of her past idiocy was once again threatening to crush her under the weight of it, and she took a slow, shaking breath before lifting her head slowly back up. There was a wet film over her eyes, evidence of the emotions she struggled to keep contained within.
"Honestly?" She cursed herself. Even her voice was lacking its piercing confidence, that which she'd relied on for so long to fool others into thinking she was okay. Into thinking that she could manage. She lacked majority of her usual volume. If anything, she sounded broken...
Scared.
There was only one person who had ever heard her like this, and unfortunately for her it was he who was the very subject of the discussion now.
"Hell if I know... Hah, what would I even say to him? 'Hi, sorry I walked out on you like the traitorous bitch everyone told you I was'?" She forced out a laugh, quickly reaching a hand up to cover her mouth as she closed her eyes, tears now pricking slightly at the corners of her eyes as she spoke- her voice only a whisper as she uttered the words.
"He's probably better off without me anyways."
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]Well, at least Bai Hu was still an expert in stating the obvious. She didn't just look like shit. She felt like it too, both physically and mentally. Her mental state was more of a bandaged mess than her physical body was- and that was saying something considering the amount of first aid wrapped around her midsection. It didn't hurt, as the wound was old enough by this point, but it still wasn't anywhere near fully healed. She reached a hand up to her throat as Bai continued speaking, eyeing him cautiously still as she ran a finger over the thin scar that ran across the front, forming a perfect half circle. A guideline permanently etched into her skin, from before she'd met Corvou, even. The choker she used to always wear served to hide it, but she found herself caring less and less the more time she was on her own.
She couldn't help but get hung up on Bai's words considering what she had done. "Dick move"? That was an understatement. She'd thrown away her only shot at a half-ass normal life. A half-ass decent one, even. Before Corvou, and now even more so after, she was a street rat. An undesirable. Life wasn't that much better than death for her at this point, and as that thought crept into her mind she absently laid her left hand over the crook of her right elbow, the heel of her palm pressing firmly into the track marks that laid there.
She chuckled dryly as Bai finished talking. She supposed it was better to never have then to be so surrounded by it that you felt as though your soul was tearing itself to shreds when you forced yourself away from it. She let out a sigh, resting her head on the counter with a dull thud. The thought instantly came to her, morbid and questioning, as to how much force she would have to apply in order to knock herself out- or better yet kill herself- on this counter. She moved her left hand, flicking herself in the temple on the corresponding side. Stop thinking like that. You made a promise, remember?
That's right... the promise.
She was going to see him at least once before she let herself end it. Let herself see the full gravity of what she'd done, experience his pain and hatred firsthand. If she was lucky Corvou would set aside his usual morality in favor of just killing her for her crimes, but a part of her knew he was probably still too good for that. He'd always had a tendency to try looking for the good in people, and she doubted he'd just kill her himself. Which is why the promise was for her to see him. To apologize for the bullshit she'd pulled, and then to vanish from this world entirely.
"I take it that you being here means he's... here too," her voice cracked when she mentioned Corvou, however indirectly it had been. She'd taken a moment to clear before finishing her sentence as well. You didn't have to be a genius or even know her terribly well to know how heavily that meant it weighed on her. Part of her hoped Bai would ask what she'd been doing, so she could regale him with the tales of just how much she'd been tearing herself apart over the whole ordeal.
How she'd spent three months high on opiates just to deal with her own guilt and bullshit. How she'd spent every waking moment after that going after fights in the hopes that someone would finally just punch her hard enough that she never woke up.
Bai was a bit of a narcissist though, if memory served correctly, and so she didn't quite expect him to indulge her silent, fucked-up hopes in the slightest.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
[attr="class","dark"]My Ghost Where'd You Go? I Can't Find You In the Body Sleeping Next To Me
[attr="class","maind"][attr="class","umad"]She sighed, "I was wondering how long it would take you," she turned her gaze over sideways to the Gengar, her expression one of exhausted submission. As though she'd already resigned herself to accepting whatever may come. "If you're going to start kicking my ass, go right ahead. I'm not going to stop you. Arceus knows I deserve it." There she was again, belitting herself. She grabbed the drink in front of her, silently thanking the bartender as she took a rather large drink from it before setting it down slowly. She felt like hell, though one probably wouldn't know it unless they knew her well enough to see the signs. Slightly slouched shoulders, downcast gaze. Ears flattened slightly against her skull, and tail pulled tight yet limply by her side.
She had to take her mind off of the situation just a little bit, a little bit of a reprieve before she inevitably got pounded into the dirt. And so it was that she restarted a new hobby, or rather nervous habit, that had developed over the last several months: counting scars. Since she'd left there were scores of new ones: thin scars from where blades had gone full through her abdomen, long jagged ones from serrated daggers, even a few encircling her wrists, leading up her arms and crossing over the few track marks that remained as evidence of the first way she attempted to cope.
She couldn't help but realize how much of a mess she was when she went through this habit, and each time it served only to pull her somehow deeper into the abyss that she'd been stuck in. She took another drink of the bottle, lifting it up to eye level before giving it a single clockwise swirl. "But on the off-chance you're not going to take the free offer to express your disdain: Yes, it has been a while. I trust you've fared far better than I have."
She was going to need more alcohol.
[attr="class","headd"]>>Where'd You Go?<<
[attr="class","oathd"]What Happened To The Soul You Used To Be?
